i am so tired

www.chiqlabelle.blogspot.com

AWESOME CLOTHES, check it out :)

"You are showing me what a virtuoso you can be, how clever, but not how artistic. It is one thing to create a sound with an instrument and something quite different to make music. Music has to have magic, and the magic depends on a few tricks, but more than anything else, on good impulses.
Look," he said, putting an arm around Aunt Paulina's waist, "you want to play this D with more emphasis, you don't know how. Apparently you have one finger and one key to do it with, but with the finger and the key you make no more than a noise -- the rest you have to get from your head, from your heart, from your gut.
Because that is where, with all exactness, the sound you wish for comes from. When you know it, you have to do no more than extract it. Pull it out!"
- "Women with Big Eyes' : Aunt Paulina

"They both raised their children without religion, baptism, or scapulars. And the children grew up healthy, handsome, and brave, despite their not having inside them the tranquility granted by knowing themselves to be protected by the Most Holy Trinity."
- "Women with Big Eyes': Aunt Eloisa

Mondays are slow, easy, relaxed, laid-back and quiet.

I like Mondays.

yawn. it's 5.14AM and I am up.

And not going to bed anytime soon.


it's alright, it was (surprisingly) a really good day. good conversations that both clarify and stimulate, with good company.

In Georgia's world, good company may not necessarily mean that whoever Georgia was hanging out with made good conversation; and just because she had a good conversation with someone, does not necessarily mean that that person was good company.... but when you marry both, it's absolutely awesome!

Aiyah damnit I just wanted to blog and highlight the fact that it was a Good Day.
So yes, before I blog more and end up complicating things for myself, (since I need to get back to work anyway)

Yes
Indeed,
It
Was
A
Good
Day.

a better person would have walked away.
and not walk back, over
and over again.



sheesh. i suck.

and so i DIDNT buy the sunglasses. I am supremely proud of myself.

& I haven't really been purchasing anything recently either. No super expensive stuff (at least I don't remember), no decadent indulgences...which essentially means no facials. Ok fine I indulge like once a month in a pedicure and manicure; but seriously. That doesnt count.

So yes. It's save-save-save. This whole being frugal thing is kind of fun.

anyway. whatever.

it's 841-almost-9AM Tuesday morning, and I'm actually up, sitting in front of the laptop.

Don't ask me why I'm up so early, because really, I don't think I'd tell you.

The morning-after, just like in the movies, is when reality hits, again.
It's worse when you've been there done that.
And keep doing it.
Whatever.


Sometimes I wish someone would invent a selective-amnesia-inducing pill, and then you can wake up and you can tell yourself honestly that nothing happened.

There are some days when I stand in front of my mirror and grin happily at my own reflection; proud of who I am and what I stand for.

Today is definitely not one of those days.

i really should take a cue from the biffy and start uploading photos instead of being the lazy piece of shit that i am, and blinding you all with words, words and more words (as usual).

So here comes the explanation: (in point form)

- The Biffy came down to Singapore over the weekend - Friday to Monday

- The pictures above depict us clubbing. It should be pretty apparent that we were both not dressed for the "occasion". We just kinda stumbled into the club to check out the music, on a whim.

- We had fun, and fell deeper in love with each other.

- Hooray.

End of weekend.

and Life Goes On... :)

xoxoxo

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
- Russell Baker

Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood.
- Louise Beal

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals, I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
- Whitney Brown

hear what i don't say.
read between the lines.
interpret the silence.

but i guess you can't, so it doesn't really matter.

:)
i am so sleepy.

i am literally eating, living, breathing, shitting, dreaming
of the gorgeous dolce & gabbana sunglasses i saw.

swoons, faints and dies.

no i shall be strong.
(and buy it next month instead)

-_- somebody stop me.

from a random website...


We've been good at exporting English-language culture around the world, but there are a few foreign words that we might want to import.

* cavoli riscaldati: Italian for "reheated cabbage," it refers to any effort to revive a dead love affair
* dohado: the Sanskrit word for a pregnant woman's weird cravings
* esprit de l'escalier: French for "spirit of the escalator," it means "witty comeback that only occurs to you when its too late"
* kyoikumama: literally "education mother" in Japanese, it means a mother who pushes her kids too hard to achieve in school
* razbliuto: the feeling that Russian men have for their old girlfriends
* schaddenfreude: the joy that Germans feel when bad things happen to other people
* tartle: a Scottish word for the inability to remember the name for something, particular when you're making party introductions

Some names of things you didn't know had names

armsate: the armhole in your shirts and sweaters
chad: the little round bits of paper left over after you use a three-hole puncher
chanking: any food you spit out, especially pits and rinds
dentiloquist: one who speaks through clenched teeth
minimus: your little finger or toe
ophryon: the space between your eyebrows
publicue: flap of skin between thumb and forefinger
ultracrepidarian: someone who expresses opinions beyond his or her scope of knowledge

i have absolutely nothing to say anymore

my general state of mind,
and take on situations and issues that have happened so far
is encapsulated in the following word:

Sigh.


i am hungry
and i have a craving for bakchormee.

i think i've got a hungry soul --

had a really good conversation with my parents & my sister yesterday evening, and it was definitely food for thought.

(i guess this is the part where i tell you what we were talking about right)

well, we were discussing what it meant to be from the Rafflesian family, and how it meant both benign and adverse consequences on the person going in, depending on that person's personality, beliefs and mindsets.

it really is a life-changing event you know; people around you look at you differently. hell, even the people around parents whose children manage to get into the whole Rafflesness of it all, look at them differently as well.

this is of course, assuming that you're not already well-to-do, with generations and generations before you who were Rafflesians....that brings a whole new kind of pressure into the picture...

but I'll just leave it as that. Am not really in the mood to expound on my learnings/reflections on this subject matter at the moment.

:)

okay, so i scrolled all the way up to the beginning of my post, and realized that the rest of it did not concur with the statement "i've got a hungry soul".
sorry, my mind has a tendency to hop about.

but yes,
i've got a hungry, bottomless soul (in line with the hungry ghost festival)

i am hungry for so many things.
but i shan't talk about that today.

:) i am proud of myself for saying no today.

i think i'm making progress; well done. (pats herself on the back)


TGIF!!!!!!!!! it's been a crazy 3 days.

the point of no return

get out of my head

i banish you to the depths of...

well, the obscur-est and furthest place imaginable.


ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

random fact of the day:

I actually do like High School Musical and I can't wait for the 3rd instalment to be out. Even though admittedly, Zac Efron IS kind of weird and twitchy on screen.........


bite me

FUCK LAH KNNBCCB I AM WALKING AWAY.

i am starting to get damn pissed and impatient with myself.
i've had enough with ruminating and moping around.

SO FUCK IT ALL.

i have fallen so hard,
i think there is no recovering from this.


maybe this is why people sink into depression.
and visit club after club, bar after bar, in hopes of drowning their sorrows in one night stands, alcohol and cigarette smoke.


right now, all of the above vices seem very justifiable to me.

but i really don't feel like sinking so low.
(have never, am not, will never -- hopefully)


what the hell happened to me
i used to be able to just pick myself up, dust everything off and continue walking.


i just can't find it in myself to do that right now.
maybe tomorrow?

i've been maybe-tomorrowing for close to a month now, and i find myself no closer to getting out of this.

if anything, the molasses seem to be pulling me in deeper and deeper.
i can hardly breathe.
before you know it, I'll just disappear into a vat of slippery slimy gross stuff, never to emerge again.
(this brings to mind the scene from....Alien, was it? the last shot was of this woman's face in the vat with her eyes closed in...resignation was it? before the slimy gross stuff covered her entire face and she disappeared forever)

this is so sad, i'm only 21, but it feels like life (in terms of <3 anyway) is just about over.

ONLY 21. who said that was too young, huh? my mom got married when she was 21. ah yes this is the part where you all stare at me incredulously and exclaim and go on and on about how it is different in the world today -- i have yet to go out into the workforce, yada yada yada.
logic, logic, logic.

then please explain to me why there're so many unhappy couples out there. who got married at the "right" age and did everything "right" -- but ended up in absolutely terrible marriages.

you make your own happines
you make your own luck.


maybe i'm just stubborn.
but i really don't think so.

if i were i'd have stalked off a long
long time ago.

but i havent and i am still here.

georgia tan you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

breaking
breaking


broken.

i don't quite know what to think and/or feel anymore.

i am spent. emotionally, intellectually and psychologically.

but it's a good thing because it only means that I am learning more everyday.
(optimism, anyone?)

because of the things i've been choosing to deal with (note the choice of words! CHOOSING! gasp! I'm taking ownership! yay. motivational speaker'ish - designyourdestiny'ish much?!)
it has been hard to be optimistic and i have been so down over the past couple of weeks.

so what else do i have to cling on to, besides optimism and a knowledge deep down inside me that it will all be alright eventually, because I WILL MAKE SURE THAT SOME HOW THINGS WILL TURN OUT OKAY. Maybe not my way, BUT THAT THINGS WILL BE FINE AT THE END OF THE DAY.

sigh.

maybe tomorrow.
tomorrow may be an even better day than today :)
and it will be because I will make sure it is so.

Ode on Solitude
Alexander Pope


How happy he, who free from care
The rage of courts, and noise of towns;
Contented breathes his native air,
In his own grounds.

Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,
Whose flocks supply him with attire,
Whose trees in summer yield him shade,
In winter fire.

Blest! who can unconcern'dly find
Hours, days, and years slide swift away,
In health of body, peace of mind,
Quiet by day,

Sound sleep by night; study and ease
Together mix'd; sweet recreation,
And innocence, which most does please,
With meditation.

Thus let me live, unheard, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.

and for the record....

i think heartbreak, pain and loss

make for really good blog entries.


(haha)

and so i read back, flip back to the days of 2006 - before I got my A level results, back to the days of Gao Shen and Daryl..

and I realize that I am not so different from the girl that I was back then.


I would like to think that I have changed,
but really, when you look beyond the bitchy cold hard exterior,

i am still very much the same

stupid hopeless romantic naive little girl
who throws it all to the wind
in search of That One Person.

i am 21.
i should know better.


i will just lie here
and breathe deeply. and will all the hurt and pain away.

and before i know it...

it would have passed.
(just like everything else)

it has to, because i really wouldnt know what to do with myself if it doesnt.

i am hurting

i wish thursday would come.
and that this ordeal would be over.

somebody just shoot me and put me out of my misery already.

what is that i hear,
you ask.

that, my friend,
is the sound of my heart shattering.

so after a long hiatus, i think i really should blog.

always, when something's taking place, i choose to cheat on my blog and not write anything for eons.

and so, i make attempts at typing.
fingers tapping impatiently, waiting for inspiration to come.

.
.
.
.

nope,
nothing flows.


"It's as if my quill is broken. As if the organ of the imagination has dried up. As if the proud tower of my genius has collapsed.
It is like trying to a pick a lock with a wet herring."

-Shakespeare In Love


yeah right. i've never been particularly good at writing, anyhow.

better luck next time, eh?

"When you don't fit in, you become superhuman. You can feel everyone elses' eyes on you, stuck like Velcro. You can hear a whisper about you from a mile away. You can disappear, even when it looks like you're still standing right there. You can scream, and nobody hears a sound.

You become the mutant who fell into the vat of acid, the Joker who can't remove his mask, the bionic man who's missing all his limbs and none of his heart.

You are the thing that used to be normal, but that was so long ago, you can't even remember what it was like."

- 19 Minutes, Jodi Picoult.

:) Imagine my surprise when I woke up to "33 New Text Messages" at 1130 AM this morning, followed by 25 New Notifications in my FB account.

Thank you, for the love.
& for taking the time off to message me.

I'll try not to abuse it.
(im joking)


love.

Happy Birthday to Me
Happy Birthday to Me
Happy Birthday to Me-eee
Happy Birthday to Me.

I'm finally 21.
It's sure taken what feels like, an entire lifetime & forever(okay fine as of now it HAS BEEN an entire lifetime) to reach 21.

I'm able to vote.
I'm able to get married without my parents' consent.
I can finally make international OUTGOING calls - I swear I called Starhub up at 12.02AM to get it activated -- it's bad for business when I cant.

And a whole bunch of other things..

I spent the evening of 27th, sitting at a great Japanese restaurant with my RGS Clique, who've known me the longest, amongst my Nearest & Dearest friends.
Had dessert, bummed at the psychedelic bridge and talked about nothing.

Will be hanging with the Gor tomorrow (he's known me second longest) for lunch, then will be going down for a meeting tomorrow night.
:)
Family on Thursday.



Life,
is pretty good right now.

so like CoolMedsOnline (viagra) & PumPUpYourTool (penis) keep emailing me;


sorry honey, i wish i had a guy to complain about (darling ur weener's too small, here ive got a nice little email...go do something about it) or (honey its all flappy and weird. u cant get it up and it's pissing me off. and it sure aint cuz i AINT HOT. hahahahah bitchy & ego much?)

BUT I DONT

SO STOP FLOODING MY INBOX

:)

July 09 anybody?

haha omg my latest entries revolve around guys, or the lack thereof in my life. Sheesh ,Georgia do you only have ONE THING ON YOUR MIND?!

(and just so you know, the answer to that is yes.)

but only cuz I haven't gotten laid in awhile, so there.

once pms is over ill be back to being
An Independent, Man Eating Bitch
(hopefully)

I'll keep u posted.

haha.

so like I'm going to my own party later; not that i actually know who's really going nor do i have any idea what it's gonna be like/what's gonna happen or anything...........


but it's the thought that counts, dear FRIA-And-Gor, and no one has ever thrown me a big party before :) so thanks guys.


i guess i really should get going

(but i dont really know what to expect...& because of that i feel uneasy. lol.
control freak, anybody?)

I hate dissing my favourite show of all time. But seriously, Grey's Anatomy Season 4 is absolute bollocks.



SERIOUSLY?! Callie and Hahn?! Freaking McDreamy & Meredith?

Christina & her issues? Karev breaking down in tears?



And the overly sentimental, sappy patienty stories.



Seriously.

It's been absolute crap.



I cringed watching the latest episodes.



Shonda Rhimes, you've let me down.



Argh.

Dear Blog,

I want you to know how much I love and appreciate you, even though it may not seem like it all the time.

Thank you for always being there despite my infidelity (aka my private blog), my bitchiness (periods whereby i blog only because im feeling shitty), my unappreciativeness (sporadic moments....such as these) and for Standing The Test Of Time (something which No Boyfriend has been able to do so far).

I haven't been there for you as much as you have been there for me, and I guess I just want you to know that I will be here for you if you ever need a friend to talk to. (This is the part where Blog should feel very touched *cue for Blog to start tearing*).

I love you, Blog - and I would date you if you were male, between 1-7 years my senior, intelligent, have a great sense of humour, and are reasonably good-looking & good in bed.

Have a fabulous week ahead!

Regards,
Georgia Tan

just got off the phone with a close friend -- and oh how we talked;

it's been awhile since I've had such a long & meaningful conversation with anyone.
(thank you, dear terri)

Gone are the days when my ear is permanently attached to the phone -- either with a random guy (or the boyfriend of the moment), or with a girlfriend or 2, probably analysing what the-random-guy-and-i-talked-about.
Right, okay fine, this is the part where I reassure myself and tell myself, HEY SURELY it wasnt that bad.......................
(Or maybe it was, hah guess you'll never know!)

It's the 21st of May today, and it's been 10'ish months since I made my declaration of remaining Insistedly Single-but-available-for-dating-&-nothing else, and it's been a bumpy ride so far.

Weird, isn't it, that at the end of the day, I guess we all need somebody to return to; someone to listen, someone to cuddle up to..

I've always had Somebody, once upon a time anyway -- & somehow that has changed. By choice, admittedly, but that, also coupled in part with the fact that no1 suitable has come along.

Am old enough to know more or less what I want; and I refuse to settle for anyone or anything less - and neither should anyone, for that matter.

Who really knows, maybe I'll be one of those slightly batty bag ladies who'll end up living with 999 mouldy old cantankerous cats.

I wonder what's speaking though, PMS (yeah it's about time, really - it arrives right on the dot 1 week before my period. so hooray. The crimson man's gonna be paying me a visit next week. how i adore announcing his arrival on my public blog.), the wistfulness elicited by The Very Nice Korean Dramas I've been watching around the clock between work and sleep.......
maybe a combination of all of the above.

Don't really know. There are good days, and then there are days like these, where for just a teeny weeny moment there, I'm willing to give up quite a bit of this freedom, this independence, for a bit of good old-fashioned Tender Lovin' Care. From someone I can connect with, who looks reasonably...well, reasonable (to my biased eyes) and who I'm really attracted to.

Maybe someone who'll back me up against a wall (always, this fantasy, I really need to start looking around for a new one) and catch me off guard (in reverse order preferably) and kiss me so hard that my head would start spinning, and my ears would start ringing crazily, and my toes'll do that happyToastyToeCurling thing in my shoes.

Someone who'll make me slightly nervous and antsy about meeting him, and make me feel anxious when I'm hanging with him, at least for the 1st hour or so, just because the chemistry is almost palpable. After which of course, we'll fall into easy, even witty, banter.

Someone who'll wow me with his wit, his intellect, his chivalry, his worldliness. Who I can look on as well with unadulterated lust... hey that's important too ok. But note how this particular characteristic is strategically placed AFTER the brains and chemistry part. ha, ha. I'm disgusting.

Anyway.

Yea,
someone who ISNT easy. who commands my respect.

ok la. I bet he doesnt exist :)

But gosh, if he (you) do, drop me an email at thegfactor@gmail.com , along with your resume and facebook profile link. and i will get back to you within 5 working days. 1, if you're really hot.

hah.
seriously. I bet no one laughs reading my entries; this is purely self-entertainment.


Enough wallowing in silly fantasies, girlie and it's back back BACK to real life. and work.

My Love Affair with Korean Dramas

So I finally finished watching Coffee Prince, after spending 3 nights rushing through all the episodes.
And I realize, much as I adore the MTV culture, nothing beats the saccharine sweetness & sappiness of Korean dramas. It makes me (for awhile at least) forget the lessons (many of which i've learnt the hard way) about love and loss that my various relationships have taught me, and want to "believe" again.
That true love and magic does exist.
ew.

Anyone blowing chunks yet?


Oh, whatever.

It's time to snap back to reality, and get back to work.
oh, but a girl can dream.
and this one does.
sometimes.

so i have the sweetest bunch of friends in the world.

YY and I were supposed to go out for dinner yesterday; hah -- it turned out to be a surprise little get together with maryam, xing yi, gideon and jasper :) The people who matter; in celebration of my 21st bday (which is coming in like 2 weeks or so)

:) Apparently they've been labouring since 10 am that morning, baking, cooking, toasting...etc..

I love my friends.


After the scrumplicious meal by the-aspiring-chef, YY, we adjourned upstairs to her place where we bumped and chatted somemore.

What would I do without you guys.
It was a beautiful, beautiful day -- you guys made it that way.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It was perfect.

i can't wait for thursday to be over; because that's when summer will officially start!

& the night ends, almost prematurely.

:)